ta-da!

well, I did it.

I switched to wordpress.

I wish I felt like a traitor, because blogspot has been good to me, but well, I've been experimenting and using wordpress for a little while now and I like it alot.

Come check out my blog over there and be sure to leave a comment. :)

http://www.dancingrebekah.wordpress.com/

Provider

I actually wrote this almost a month ago. That fact is actually quite relevant, I promise. You'll find out why in a minute.

Sometimes I think about the fact that in seven months, I will be heading off to the state of Oklahoma with a few thousand dollars and two years of school ahead. I never dreamed of going to Oral Roberts. It’s God. But still, I panic.

Sometimes I think about the fact that instead of working and saving money this summer, I will be interning at a Christian ministry and only receiving a $200 stipend. This is never something I would dream of doing. It’s God. But sometimes I think about it and I panic.

Sometimes I think about the fact that even though I’m working two jobs and applying for scholarships, I still feel like I’m not making enough money for a private education. And then God tells me to give some of my money away. To society, that definitely doesn’t make sense, but it’s God. But that doesn’t mean I’m not panicking.

A few mornings ago, I sipped homemade mocha and read Psalm passages like these:

“I trust in the LORD. I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.” (Psalm 31:6-8)

“The LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.” (Psalm 32:10)

“The LORD delights in the way of the man whose steps He has made firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with His hand.” (Psalm 37:23-24)

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever.” (Psalm 52:8)    

To a lot of people, I know I probably look and sound like some crazy person. Nothing I’m doing makes sense…God doesn’t really make sense. But Jesus doesn’t happen to be my imaginary friend; He happens to be my God and my God has provided, continues to provide, and will provide all my needs.

Ten years old. I was an aspiring artist who faced a small problem: I had used up my entire supply of drawing paper. At the time, my parents didn’t have the funds to get any more. My sisters and I prayed. Someone who lived on the other side of the country sent a random letter. It was random; we hadn’t heard from this lady in ten years.  She added in a postscript that she didn’t know why, but she felt compelled to send paper. She thought maybe we’d find some use for it. Not only was her package full of paper, it also contained a ton of colored pencils. I guess my God likes to give above and beyond our requests.

Sixteen years old. I wanted to go to Scotland but I only had $25 and a big dream to my name. I looked for a job but was unsuccessful. My earliest fundraising ideas never produced much. I ran into problem after problem with the organization that was hosting my trip. There was miscommunication, logistical issues…you name it. I prayed. I wasn’t even sure if this is what I was supposed to do with my summer, but I handed the whole mess over to God and let Him deal with it. Did He ever…I ended up raising way more than I needed. People who didn’t even know me gave money. In nine months, I had more than $4,000 dollars and a $200 plane ticket.  I guess my God likes to give above and beyond our requests.

Eighteen years old. I needed a car. I prayed. And we won a car in an auction after placing below the minimum bid. And our neighbor offered me a Pontiac Grand Am for a song. There are still some logistics to work though with that particular car, but still…I prayed for a car and ended up with possibly two. I guess my God likes to give above and beyond our requests.

I believe in a big God. And sometimes I think about that and I smile.

Because my God likes to give.

Ok, post update. As of today I have...(are you ready?)

-an invitation to compete in a scholarship competition for  FULL-TUITION SCHOLARSHIP. Also, even if I do not win, simply by going out to Tulsa and participating, I get scholarship monies. Win-win.

-three ticket vouchers that reduced my entire round-trip ticket to less than $170

-much-needed monetary gift from a wonderful person

I guess my God provides. Indeed. 

Jesus

Yahoo Answers is a wonderful thing.

Want to know the cheapest flight from here to there? Yahoo Answers knows.

Want to know the easiest way to get peanut butter out of your hair? Yahoo Answers knows.

Want to know when and where trench coats originated? You guessed it!

This is beginning to sound like a paid-ad for Yahoo Answers, so I’ll stop. (If you have further pressing questions, google Yahoo Answers. Google Yahoo. That’s funny. )

Anyways…

I’ve been thinking about doing a blog series on Jesus. I was curious to see what other people had to say about Him, so I searched “Jesus?” on Yahoo Answers so see what kind of questions and answers I’d find. Turns out that Jesus is rather controversial. Who would have thunk it?

So what do you think of Jesus?  What’s the first thing that came to your mind when I said “Jesus”? Be honest.

I want to know.

Five Thoughts at 7:39 AM

1. My school was delayed two hours this morning, and unlike the majority of the population, I don't like it. If I'm going to get up and suffer through the horrifying ordeal of waking up to a dark and cold world, then I'd like to actually do something. Otherwise, I feel as though I've endured the waking-up torture for nothing.

2. So, I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Feel free to join me. Pity parties are always more fun with two people.

3. I wrote a blog post about how God provides several weeks ago. (I wrote the post several weeks ago, God didn't provide several weeks ago.)

Oh, that sounded wrong. Anyways...

I wrote a blog post about God's provision, but I never posted it. Now I wish I had because God recently provided in a way that honestly astonished me. It shouldn't have; I should have known He'd delight in astonishing me. He's a big and wonderful Lord. However, I was completely blown away and one of these days, I'll post my original blog, along with the exciting update.

4. I'm in my  last semester at my community college. This August, I'll be a junior at Oral Roberts University. I'm excited, nervous, thrilled, and sad. This whole moving away from home thing has turned out to be rather bittersweet. But I am genuinely excited to see what God has in store for me in this next season of life.

5. That being said, I'm really enjoying my last semester. My classes all seem harder than in past semesters, but I'm loving the challenge and hard work. My government class in particular is really interesting. I never paid too much attention to national politics before, but this class has sparked an interest.

Good morning, y'all.

And yes, I do feel as though I just went against my Vermont roots by saying 'y'all.'

Song of all Songs

 I am desperate for love.

My soul craves affection like a baby craves nourishment.

I am needy.

I am longing.

I am desperate.

I struggle to survive in a dry world.

But then His rain falls onto my heart;

He breathes into me and I am renewed.

I am whole.

I am satisfied.

I am beloved.

I dance to His heartbeat like a woman in love dances with delight. 

Then He comes and dances with me.

He says I am beautiful and I know He is holy.

He says my voice is sweet and I know His love is better than wine.

He says I have stolen His heart and I know that I delight in Him.

He is mine and I am His.

I fall to His feet and weep with adoration, and my perfume spreads it's fragrance. I don't see condemners because I am captured in His gaze.

And now I am quiet in His love.

His song surrounds me.

He fully rejoices.

I am

His.

"Set my heart free, that I may praise Your Name."

-Psalm 142:7

Thoughts on an Eve of a Christmas Eve

This morning, I cuddled up on an old couch in a back room and scribbled a resolve in my journal.

I choose joy.

Holidays are never the best time of year for me. I love the anticipation, the thrill of waiting, the days leading up to that actual big day…but when the holiday actually comes, I come tumbling down from my pedestal of hopes and dreams into a reality that is far from my mental picture of the perfect Christmas.

There are various reasons why I experience more loss and pain than joy and peace on Christmas, but there’s no need to write them down. I don’t think I’m alone. My guess is that nearly half of the Christmas Eve shoppers would rather skip the following day altogether. Maybe a loved one has died and the empty space at the dining room table speaks louder than the full chairs on either side. Perhaps hopes or expectations raised by Hallmark or culture didn’t quite make the mark. Maybe family tensions cause the day to become one to dread. Regardless of the reason, Christmas is not always the picture-perfect day portrayed in movies, greeting cards, or even in friends’ lives. For some, it can be the hardest time of the year.

But I choose to rejoice.

I choose to rejoice in a God who paid the ultimate price simply because He wanted me forever.

I choose to rejoice in the love of Jesus; a Love that left a throne and chose a cross.

I choose to rejoice in the One who truly is worth celebrating this season.

He is joy and His joy is my strength, both this holiday season and the entire coming year.

I choose joy.

Handcuffed

I used to read through baby name books. (Maybe it was directly related to being homeschooled and having too much time on my hands. Or maybe it was only related to the homeschooled part; you know, because of the lack of socialization and everything.)

Anyway, regardless of the reason, I was always highly entertained by name meanings. They fascinated me. I would study pages of names like AjdK and Naavah and their related meanings, and combine names to create meaningful phrases. Then I would reach my name. Rebecca is a Hebrew name meaning Bound.  

Bound. When I was nine, that conjured up images of course rope knotted tightly around someone’s wrists as they were dragged from the castle by the invading enemy knights. (Apparently, I read too many historical novels.) To me, bound was a negative word. It meant someone was being held or forced against their will.   

Charming, isn’t it?

The past few years though, I’ve decided to take that word in an entirely different context. Bound can also mean a willing act on someone’s part; they can be held to a binding agreement. I was bound to the Lord.  That was why a line in a Dave Wilkerson newsletter caught my eye.

“Handcuffed to Jesus.”

Immediate mental image: Jesus, striding down the road of life with a business-like attitude, while poor pathetic me bounced and bruised along behind Him, only following Him because an ugly chain connected our wrists and I had. absolutely. no choice. Ouch.

Hopefully that was due to my overactive imagination and not to what I actually feel like in my relationship with Him. But I digress…

Mr. Wilkerson had many fine points to make, but the one that pricked my heart was this:

“It is possible to have the most incredible revelation of the resurrected Christ—to be in love with Him—yet still not be His prisoner, still not be handcuffed to our  Master...The true test of love for Christ is…is seeing the emptiness of your own greatest opportunity and dropping every selfish dream to become His prisoner.”

Yes, being God’s prisoner….now there’s a heartwarming topic for the next conference. Heartwarming and Biblical. I look at it this way: we are going to be prisoners of something, whether it is sin, ourselves, the thing we worship, or God. Because slavery is not an option, I’d rather have the Lord as my Master than anyone or anything else in this life. But once again, I digress.

“seeing the emptiness of your own greatest opportunity and dropping every selfish dream…”

I’ve had too many greatest opportunities show up at the doorstep of my heart lately. There have been too many selfish dreams that vied for first place in my affections. And to be perfectly honest, it hurts to be handcuffed right now. I don’t mean hurt as in a tiny little sad place in the midst of my heart; I mean hurt as in big salty tears and snot that I can’t wipe away because I’m crying so hard. My apologies for the gross mental picture I just shared, but maybe someone can relate. Jesus can be a hard Master and sometimes I’d like nothing better than to simply indulge myself in the things I want to do. But He says no.

Just, no. Not now, not tomorrow, and sometimes, not ever. No.

However, because I hate to end this confessional with such a depressing note, let me add that even though He says no, He also says that “I delight in you and even though you stumble sometimes, you will not fall, Rebekah, because I’m upholding you with My hand.”

I’m upheld by Him. How beautiful and crazy is that?!?